I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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