I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
