i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
