I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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