covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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