Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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