Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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