Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
