If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Two words: blizzard sex
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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