if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize