I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
