suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
