Swine flu. Run for my life!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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