I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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