A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
