I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
