The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
