god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
