$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize