We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
