My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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