I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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