Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
