I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
