I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
