Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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