chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
