We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish I only lived at night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
