I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
