oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
