Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
