He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
