Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
