I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
