Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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