Screwed.edu
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
