You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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