i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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