Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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