Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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