y did u give ur computer a hand job?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
