i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
