Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
