Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
