He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
