Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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