My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
barbara walters just said penis...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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