You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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