Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
