So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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