what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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