I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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