So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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