That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize