real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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