Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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