Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
