The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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