non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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