I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
