I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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