my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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