so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
